Social Media Addiction - Trade Off or Pay Off ?

Is our fascination with YouTube, Twitter and Facebook turning us into a society of distracted, forgetful, shallow human beings? Are we only looking at the pay offs turning our eye on the trade offs of this new found obsession? Is the internet making us dumber?

These days a hot debate has broken out on this topic. Social media on one hand has given us more freedom to express and connect than ever or are we  sacrificing our ability to reflect and create and form meaningful relationships?

There are multiple examples in history which are replete with how some innovations changed the way we lived and worked. Some of which I have just read in few editorials where this debate is getting hotly pursued. For years, Oral recitation and memorizing was the way to pass on information unless the printing press came along, writing was what all of us grew up as and now all we do is type and may be next generation will spend more time in typing and tapping ( on touch screen devices) than we did on paper and pen. We don’t refer to encyclopedias – we google – be it all project works . We don’t even rely on memory for directions- there’s a e-map to show us the way. The beauty has been the way each civilization adapted to these changes and progressed all along. Some actually say that by freeing our brains from so much clutter, we have actually paved way for future innovations and you can say it with the pace with which fundamentals of living are changing today.

Social media is a different ball game all together. The ability to connect with so many people, make yourself heard , make your voice count has catapulted us into a different league. Recent example was Anna Hazare movement against corruption in India . Thousands joined the Facebook group, there were status update in support of the cause. It gave instant gratification to people like us who have a lot to say and we found a forum. However cynics say that’s where the shallowness lie wherein most people talked and talked about it but the same lot will not move their butt to go and join the crusade at Jantar mantar or will not stop from paying a bribe at next instance to get their things facilitated. But then there are some real benefits- people have been able to raise money and donations or even help find a kidnapped boy or even get most autocratic organizations, people, governments to succumb to the “ Virtual Pressure” . We recently had a colleague sudden demise and the facebook group helped couple of us pour out our heart and make peace with this sudden loss.

But then in the days of FB friendships or Twitter chatter  , are we being illusionary about connecting and forging relationships. Some even go onto say that we are eavesdropping at times on conversations 2 different individuals are having. May be yes, excess of everything is bad but social media has helped many of us stay connected with family and friends – meeting them may be only during celebrations or worse funerals. It has helped to share your views to a wider audience. I love reading sliced and diced news pieces rather than relying on my own 1 or 2 newspaper readings. I feel more informed at times as the info sharing by multiple people is well yes as multiple as they are and has helped broaden my knowledge beyond your immediate areas of interest. It surely is a pleasure to see the folks you shared a good part of your life and their family life. I can never imagine our parents generation remaining in touch with so many of their friends. I also feel that if I ever leave work and decide to be at home, I don’t think I can ever get bored or feel that I am wasting my life. There is so much to learn , pick up new skills – all at the click of a button. You can blog, tweet, message- all in one go

But yes , I do squirm at the fact that there are days when as a family , we are browsing on respective phones and the kids on their ipads – all sitting in one room silently. The smell of books with carefully placed bookmarks by the bedside  taken over by Kindle or the charm of having a great conversation over a cup of coffee. For that matter, some of the hobbies we pursued like art , music because we had time are no longer there. You forever fiddle with your phone whether on the move or on a vacation. There is a worry that our kids perhaps will take all this as the new normal . The fact that our attention spans have become much shorter. May be its impacting our relationships. There is one thing to be in touch with a large number of people you have come across in your life but there are some relationships that would have been nurtured and invested in which may be we take for granted- birthday calendars have taken over our memories, a note on the wall instead of a phone call. There is far more information than we can process .

Not clear answers to this debate. For sure for now, I am at least liking the fact of being connected and informed and being “ In the cloud” . Happy to hear your point of views. Will make for an exciting debate but I cannot end this without this quote I read in an article- “ We will be an generation that had information but no context, butter but no bread, craving but no longing- Meg Wolitzer’s”

Let there be space in your togetherness

This thought stemmed from one incident - I met a couple few days back. They seem to be always be there for each other. They are both working couples and they always hung out together...parties, family functions, gyms , shopping malls. The guy was enamoured as the girl even refused to go to her parents house without him. They were married on Facebook, had a common bank account , shared passwords of their emails . In most people's eyes they were the perfect couple truly made for each other. The problem started soon when they seemed to yearn for space yet not able to voice it out lest it manifests as not loving each other anymore and it exploded when they had a child who required more of the mother initially. They just did not know how to give each other space and resulted in the woman getting into a depression.

This got me thinking. The pressure on relationships today often makes them claustrophobic. So much has been written to be more participative, communicative and sharing and caring in a relationship, that sometimes the pressure often leads to missing out on your personal space. The irony is that more often than not we don't realize it as well and breakdown of relationships often started getting attributed to other things than the root cause.

The other noticeable thing is that more often than not , we attribute this to adults. If you be a little perceptive, you will see that we often miss the same point when it comes to children. Sometimes the over protective zeal and paranoia results in being all over your children all the time. I noticed this with a lady I see in my building. She picks up and drops her son everyday to school . Being only child, she pays great attention and the child has his study time, TV time , even soup time. They come down together where she plays with him in the park. In fact she refused for a car pool as well as she thinks its quality time with the child. Anyone would have given her full marks for being the best mother possible - I did as well. Unless one day, I saw her 6 year old shouting and crying in despair that I want to play with my friends , go to their house, go for school picnic and why are always with me.? Now she might have some valid reason for all you know- health etc but I do feel that she needs to let him move out a little on his own.

The expression of togetherness has manifested itself in a big way in our lives. Most people today struggle to maintain a balance between personal space and togetherness with their loved ones. Its often confusing as young adults or as young parents to decide how to be your own self without giving the message of being selfish. On one hand, you hear that true love is finding your soul mate and becoming One and on other hand , you also need to keep a piece of yourself only for you. Its more difficult when you are a parent- you are trying to be protective, caring but when do you get on the verge that it becomes stifling for your child , you never come to know.

The answers are not easy to find - may be we need to go back to basics - a balance of everything needs to be maintained , excess of everything is bad. However how do we do that without someone pointing fingers at us for thinking only for ourselves ? These are not so easy to come by. In all that, here's what Gibran said long ago - its so apt and true

"

But let there be spaces in your togetherness

and let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another but make not a bond of love:

let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls."