I am probably the last one but have just read the article " why Chinese mothers are superior". I have heard its become a point of major debate across the world and like lot of people, i am tempted as well to comment on the article. But just as I am never interested in other people's take on someone else's work, why would anyone of you be ? Its like the multiple critiques we read while studying Macbeth in grade 12 and hated every bit of it. I am sure some of you would remember these lines from Macbeth - " Fair is foul and foul is fair, hover through the fog and filthy air "- I could never imagine how can someone analyze these lines that our English teacher made us write 15 pages of different critics views on these. Would Shakespeare ever have thought of this while writing ? I don't think so. All poor chap did was to make them rhyme. Anyhow, that's not what I wanted to write. Back to the article.How many have read it ? and how many violently agree and disagree? We can take a poll later. However there's something which I have picked up from the article - " Why did Amy chua adapt this style of parenting " and secondly which is being fiercely debated " Is it right to be like this with your child"?
This has occurred to me recently but as women, we consciously or unconsciously end up becoming mothers as we have seen our own mothers to be ( unless of course due to some strong circumstances you deliberately try not to be her ). So the way you discipline your kids, the paranoia you have for "right " kind of food or the cleanliness fetish you have is a function of how much your own mother fretted over them on you or your siblings. In my case, I am a little easy on food - In our house, food was always good , delicious but we ate to live and not live to ate. However no matter how tired i am, the house has to be spic and span. Not a thing here or there. I cannot go to sleep peacefully if the house is not in right order - pretty much an influence of my mother who ensured whether you lived in a big or a small house , its always in a presentable stage for the guests. Not sure how many of you experienced this but the best bedsheets were out when guests were home and wrapped up immediately out when they were gone. The means were limited then with a single income family and I don't go to that extent probably but I still will have 2-3 new ones kept in the closet for occasions like a house party or a Diwali.
So if Amy chua talks about pushing her child for excellence, piano lessons at the cost of no play dates , she unconsciously manifested the environment she had been brought up by her own parents ( she even referred to her mother in that article) . Most of us might not goad our children to that extent but the middle class Indian genes will always force us to push our kids for excellence - we can these days be a little liberal to allow them to choose what they want to do BUT they better excel in it . In the same breadth, some of us also push our kids to be a ballet champ, a takewando expert, a pianist at a very young age - somewhere letting them fulfill the other life we only dreamt of as we struggled through years of academic work to achieve our parents ambition and be successful - get a good job and be financially independent. After all, it's difficult to not have an impression of something you see for a good 20-25 years of our lives.
So that's probably why we do what we do . However, Is that right ? - that's the second question and a difficult one. The opinions vary 180 degrees. A friend says that as mothers, we can never think bad of our child and hence if she disciplines them in certain fashion , that's only for their better future . In the same breadth, another one believes to let them find their own wings. I really don't have one as of now. I am so busy between work and home that I have never given it a serious thought. Here's though my 3 cents on this.
1. I firmly believe that as parents you need to show the way to your children- this includes being strict and talking straight. Being strict is easy - esp in this part of the world where child rights/ child abuse etc are still not in vogue but talking straight is the most difficult part. You cannot be too harsh in your fit of an anger neither can you sugar coat things. Its an art some of us need to consciously master. . If they have made a mistake or misbehaved, you need to tell them straight that some things are non negotiable. Its difficult but if you are consistent with it, it works - It definitely has on my stubborn and rebellious 2.5 years old son when all styles of text book parenting i tried on him failed.
2.Be Honest with your child - Children today have access to so much information - be it TV, friends or the Internet. We blindly believed what our parents told us till a certain age. Today kids can easily make out you are making a fool of them so in case you wish to share some opinion, information with them, be honest. Else, let them discover things on their own like most of us did. We never had our parents sat us down explaining the vagaries of life. We all figured it out ourselves and we have all turned out to be normal human beings.
3. Allow them to live their childhood - I once met my daughter's friends parents who proudly boasted that how their 4 yr old knows everything about solar system, life cycle and all possible facts of life . Its really good to know these things but imagine the poor child who now refuses to believe in any of the fairy tales her parents tell her. everything has a time and place. These years will never come - let them live in the world of Snowhite and Cinderella and continue to believe in angels and demons.
And lastly , such debates are healthy. They stimulate some thoughts in you which in an otherwise uni dimensional life that most of us live and hence should be welcomed with open minds. We can choose to agree, disagree or indifferent and as the title states ..the debate continues so so all are welcome to contribute
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